Freedom

By freddielaraThoughts, Uncategorized

Freedom

What eludes you from attaining your dreams? What psychology holds you back and
has been for as long as you can remember? Where in your life do you feel less
than happy or successful?

I was thinking about the celebration this first week of July. I was thinking
about what true freedom would mean to me.
I guess true freedom for me would be the idea that I can leave my crazy
childhood and past behind and not let it hold me back from being happy or
attaining my dreams. True freedom for me would be a release of fear that either
paralyzes or holds me back from being happy or achieving those dreams.

But how would I go about finding true freedom? When u have the kind of
resistance that I had it seemed like a huge unclimbable mountain.

But then came the process of taking responsibility for my own life. I was always
under the impression that those in my childhood were to blame for all my
feelings and screwed up ways of dealing with life. Abusive parenting and life’s
circumstances were the culprit after all, right? But the truth was I had chosen
to carry that “stuff” with me way past the expiration date.. I had to take
responsibility for my present life by forgiving those in my past. After all they
weren’t there anymore. I had to take responsibility for allowing others to push
my buttons. After all they were my buttons! I have to take responsibility for
every reaction to every circumstance. After all life happens, and it happens
every day.

I heard a lecture on memory this week. The speaker said that most memories were
what he called “reconstructive memory”. That our memory traces in our brains
were creating a recall of our past and then filtering them through our buttons,
our perception, our likes and fears and psychology. Which means that a huge
chunk of the time the memories of our past that we carry didn’t actually happen
the way we think they happened!! This means the reality of the present works
exactly the same way. We get to choose and take responsibility for the reality
of the now we are living presently. Nothing can be lacking in any situation
unless we’re not bringing it!

And as an actor it seems to me far more beneficial to be attuned and aware to
what our buttons are so now we can bring them to good use by using them in our
scripts. I know abandonment is a trigger for me, betrayal is also a button for
me, so now I tend to filter what others say or do to me in the context of the
script..

The more we are aware of what moves us the more we can utilize this information
in our work. The more we are enlightened in the way our psyches work the more we
can be free in our everyday lives. We can go do our shoot or our play and leave
our work at the office. We can spend all day or evening bringing up all sorts of
cathartic experiences and then leave our work in the office, certain that we are
not carrying all that baggage everywhere we go.. And once we can pick up and put
that baggage down at will we can know that stuff is not controlling us anymore.
We can use our bag of tools when needed and put it away to enjoy our other
lives.. We can know that we are free.