Embracing The Emptiness

By freddielaraThoughts

Embracing The Emptiness

I woke up this morning at 330am gripped with fear about a challenge I’ve been
facing now for a few months. Now the voices in my head were not clear about the
why or how, but the feeling behind them was very clear; namely ultimate
disaster. I was not, in any way, shape or form going to make it. My mind raced
trying to figure out a way out of this impending doom, and by 340 I was off and
running on my hamster wheel round and round and round on a never ending cycle
that was set up to keep seeking a solution to a “problem” that had never existed
to begin with-not really, certainly not to the extent my mind had made it out to
be.

Then came the grand moment when I could see what my mind was doing. It was
seeking the missing piece to a puzzle that did not exist, it was trying to find
the answer to a question that was not there. And it was doing it voraciously
enough to wake me up out of my sleep. The egos motto of ‘seek but do not find’
had gripped me and thrown me into fear. It kept running to the mistakes I’d
made in the past to get me here and the judgement I had about them. It kept me
in the future anxious about some dreadful conclusion as a punishment for my past
mistakes. Round and round and round..

So I got out of bed and starting my practice. I sat cross legged, lit a candle
and stepped out of thinking. I began to notice my breathing and the quietness in
that early morning. Through my choice I kept returning back and again to the
present quiet where everything is just as it always is, perfectly fine.

In just a few minutes I was back in my body again enjoying the only fraction of
time that exists, the power of now. That only measurement of time that feels
perfect and whole and complete to me. The only place where I can be present
enough to let the divine creative intelligence flow through me. From this place
all sorts of masterpieces can be created and brought forth, from this place I
can be quiet enough to allow the genius to work it’s magic-through me.

As actors we learn to create these moments by re-remembering , by constructing
what-ifs , by placing meaning where it may not have been before. But at the end
of the day, onstage, in front of the camera , this tiny fraction of time then
the next and then the next is all we have. And it is here that we must
constantly practicing staying. For in this space of the now our minds and
hearts line up and become congruent, we become a chakra clear passage as we pair
up with something higher to flow through us. And just as amazingly others are
miraculously brought along with us to the same place. Their limbic systems are
healed, their perception are shifted or at the very least they forget for the
moment the past and future and remember they are alive with us as we move them
through our crafting of these moments.

And by the way, after all that I was able to get some rest again, to put my head
back on the pillow and go back to sleep again ‘perchance to dream’.